lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
