I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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