What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
