I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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