Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
