Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
