somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
did i just pee glitter
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
