chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.