...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.