New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.