don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
