I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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