Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
