I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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