I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
