We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
