I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
