I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize