Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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