we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
