I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
