I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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