Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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