If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
