the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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