yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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