I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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