Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
