I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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