you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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