im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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