You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
