He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
