my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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