How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
