He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
