you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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