what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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