I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
