Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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