My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
