shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
