Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
