Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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