the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
