I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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