3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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