Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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