oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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