peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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