Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
