I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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