If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
