peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
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Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK