are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed