I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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