this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
