You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
