Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
