4 words: hood of his car
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
