sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
