I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
