Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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