the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
