So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
