I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
