listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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