if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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