Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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