best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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