I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
