Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
