So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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