I just threw up on my dentist
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
