All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
