yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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