well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
